Tick Tock on the Counter-clock

 

Inside a 14 year old’s (freshmen’s) thoughts (better known as my own):

I think I’m going to be a vet when I get older. Hold on no, I think I found something even better, I can be a spy or an investigator! That would be so much fun and so easy! Ugh, I just want a boyfriend. We could hold hands and hangout all the time and go on dates to the movies. I would tell him everything and trust him with my life! I want to go shopping at the mall with four of my best friends but my mom won’t let me, she’s so annoying. Why doesn’t she ever let me have fun? Same with my dad, I asked him if I could go bowling with two of my other best friends but he said no, even though one of them is one year older than me! That’s so dumb, I’m seriously old enough to go out with my friends by now. I can’t wait until I’m old enough to drive and have my license. Then I can go anywhere I want to go with my friends without my terrible parents telling me what to do. Also I could get a job, then I could go shopping ALL the time with NO limits! I hate high school and everyone in it. Everyone is weird, so my friends and I were thinking of throwing an anti-homecoming party. The dances and football games are so stupid, I can’t wait for them to be over. I want to go to college as far away as I can, like somewhere on the other side of the country. I just want to leave Ohio because it’s so boring, I want to see the world.

Inside an 18 year old’s (senior’s) thoughts (better known as my own):

I finally picked my major and minor, I’m excited for it, but it will take a lot of hard work to accomplish it. I’m old enough to have a boyfriend, but I want to wait for the right person, I can’t just hop into a relationship and open my heart to just anyone. My mom told me to go shopping with my best friend to find shoes for prom, but I would rather go with my mom herself, she seems to always know the right choice. My dad also said that I should go bowling tonight since I haven’t been out with a few of my friends lately, he even gave me money to go. That’s so dumb, I should be the one paying, not him… but I don’t have a job. I’m going to Lake Tahoe this summer with my family, what did I do to deserve such good parents? Man, I regret anything disrespectful I’ve ever said to them. Darn it, I just remembered I forgot to fill up the gas tank. I’ll have to stop there before bowling. While driving is helpful in most situations, it really is a pain sometimes. I don’t want a job. I want to live out my senior year without one, but my parents are paying for college, class trips, and everything in between, so it doesn’t matter what I do or do not want, I need a job. And getting a job doesn’t mean I can just throw money around, I will put limits on my spending. I love high school and everyone in it. I have experienced almost all of my “lasts” and I’ve cried through every single one of them. My last choir concert, my last class trip, my last winter formal, my last football game. And now I’ll be going to prom, my last high school dance, ever. I chose to go to a college close to home, if 2 hours and 45 minutes ranges as “close.” I couldn’t bare the thought of going to college across the country because my heart would break knowing that I couldn’t see my family more than twice a school year. I love Ohio, but I want to see the world. I just wish there was a way I could take my family and friends with me.

This process is stressful, the almost graduating process. I’ve gone through senior pictures, ACT testing, scholarships, job applications, college applications, college acceptances, college choice, and so much more. I’ve broken down a lot, honestly. It’s hard not knowing what you don’t know, which is exactly where I’m at.

I want to take a clock, turn it counterclockwise, and watch it fall backwards, but I want to fall backwards with it. I want to be a kid again. I want to tell my 13 year old self to appreciate her parents and stop being so darn snotty to such great parents who will do anything for her, because soon, she won’t have them to fall on anymore and time will run out. I want to tell her to enjoy her age and stop rushing everything and to participate in any activity thrown at her to joyfully get through high school. And most importantly, I want to tell her to grab a hold of every small detail of day-to-day life that molds her character and strengthens her personality.

One day you will wake up and realize you are no longer a kid. This is the most bittersweet moment you will ever encounter. On one hand, you finally can start your life as an adult – making future college plans, post college plans, etc. But on the other hand, you lose the things that matter to you most at this very moment, slowly, and painfully.

Appreciate every detail of what you have, because it won’t be there forever.

And to my mom and my dad, I love you and I’m sorry for all of the times I rushed my time living in this beautiful place I call home. You are, and always will be, my home.

 

 

 

 

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