Nervousness to Nervousless

Rhetorical questions are asked frequently. Out of all the rhetorical questions that I have conjured up within my own college freshmen mind, I quickly became stuck when I asked myself, “What is nervousness?”

This question has gone through my head more than once because now more than ever I have experienced this awkward sensation of fluttering wings aligning my stomach. So, like any rhetorical question, I put deep thought into my own answer.  I attempted a run through of words such as fear, timidness, butterflies, judgement, and so on. My final definition of nervousness is the following:

Nervousness: When your heart beat changes because of an event or opportunity that you have the possibility of failing at.

Nervousness is a dangerous place to be in because I put fear, unreasonable expectation, and anxiety in front of what The Lord is to me. So why? Why is the human go to for any competition nervousness? What makes the “scary” thing so scary in the first place? If I make it far enough, what do I have to be nervous about? I should be confident in Christ, shouldn’t I?

“If you have the talent, embrace it, be confident in it, and be bold.”

It sounds easy, so easy that it is dumb to even think about. Yet no matter how much time I spend in prayer asking the Lord to keep my heart beat at a normal pace just so that I can get through this one event, my heart refuses to listen to Him. Apparently the race that my heart is running is too monumental to lose, therefore, it races on.

But this race would not be happening without the One who created the track… and because of this, I want to make Jesus my heartbeat, not nervousness.

Something that I have learned is that Jesus is standing next to me even when I am unaware of the presence that He blesses me with at every moment. Jesus is. And in knowing that Jesus is, nervousness, fear, anxiety, and unreasonable expectation cannot be. Because Jesus is, the fear of failure is not. Because Jesus is, the heartbeat of nervousness cannot be. And once something is, it always is, unless the Lord tells it otherwise. Jesus simply being makes me want to change my nervousness to nervousless. Plus, the last time I checked, nothing on this Earth can tell Jesus that He is not, because He always was, He always is, and He always will be.


Falling for Fall

Let me set up a scenario… a few moments that I experienced this morning:

I opened my eyes at approximately 7:42, looked around the room at about 7:48, and got out of bed at nearly 7:50. But within the very first second that my eyes were aware at 7:42, my mind simotaneously remembered that today is September 22, better known as the first day of the most riveting season of all… Fall. So, I did what any 18-year-old lover of fall and Imagine Dragons would do – I consciously played Imagine Dragon’s “The Fall” while subconsciously, I closed my eyes and simply listened to the soothing season through Dan’s genius music.

Each year, I fall for Fall the moment that the leaves start changing and the temperature starts dropping. This song brings to life, for me anyways, not only what fall is as a noun, but also what fall does as a verb…

Fall breathes in the 90 degrees we’ve all been baking in for three months and gladly exhales its cool, cozy, and comfortable 60-70 degree temperature that leaves us, well, breathless. Its breeze guides its leaves ever so gently from the tree tops to the ground below, yielding the crunching sound we hear when our boots hit the ground.

Fall captures every intentional color that God creatively created to feel “warm.”
Yes, we know what the color yellow is, but what yellow does is so much more significant. The same thing goes for red, green, brown, and orange. Yellow initiates joy, red claims the emotion in your autumn memories, green is your relaxation, brown reminds you that the Earth is home, and orange carries your fascination. Each color combined defines Fall and its freshness.

Fall lets us copy its outfit so that we can match its style.
Nature is a fashion in itself. A tree’s roots can easily represent the boots we wear. The vivid leaves dress a tree in clothing, like a sweater or a flannel does to us. And the scarf? Easy. It’s the sun’s perfect light and warmth directing itself in the open spaces of the “sweater.”

Fall brings seasonal necessities such as fall flavors, autumn drinks, and a whole lot of pumpkin.
Every Fall my mom makes butternut squash risotto and it is by far my favorite fall-time meal and probably my favorite all-time meal.
There are some flavors that make sense only when a season sets in. For example, watermelon typically relates with summer while, unless you want a holly jolly feeling all year long, candy canes are usually enjoyed during the winter. Apple cider and pumpkin spice latte’s naturally fit into Fall.
Not only pumpkin spice latte’s, but the entire list of pumpkin: pumpkin rolls, pumpkin spice, pumpkin pie, pumpkin pasta, pumpkin seeds… pumpkin everything.

Fall gives us opportunities to put its picturesque perfection into a picture.
The vibrant essence of this enticing season exposes the photographer in everyone (even if the photo is later posted on Instagram with a filter.) Its easy beauty captivates the eye and makes snapping the “perfect fall photo” effortless.

Fall reminds us that life has seasons.
Throughout the last two years, I did a video series called “Seasons” where I attempted to capture each season in its beauty and learn to fall in love with the weather God created. Some people hate Winter, others don’t enjoy Fall. Some dislike Summer and some aren’t fond of Spring. But what I learned is that the seasons change 1. because God created them to and 2. because there is beauty found in each one.
This is an obvious parallel that I think God intended for mankind to understand: There will be seasons that are wonderful and seasons that are challenging to get through, but finding the beauty that God is creating through it keeps you aware of Him and the growth in yourself.
What matters the most is whether or not you choose to get up, latte in hand, and walk strongly when that season causes you to Fall.

So here it comes… the brilliant color change, the fresh temperature drop, and the fundamentals of Fall.

I’m ready for the leaves, I’m ready for the joy, and “I’m ready for the Fall.”