Nervousness to Nervousless

Rhetorical questions are asked frequently. Out of all the rhetorical questions that I have conjured up within my own college freshmen mind, I quickly became stuck when I asked myself, “What is nervousness?”

This question has gone through my head more than once because now more than ever I have experienced this awkward sensation of fluttering wings aligning my stomach. So, like any rhetorical question, I put deep thought into my own answer.  I attempted a run through of words such as fear, timidness, butterflies, judgement, and so on. My final definition of nervousness is the following:

Nervousness: When your heart beat changes because of an event or opportunity that you have the possibility of failing at.

Nervousness is a dangerous place to be in because I put fear, unreasonable expectation, and anxiety in front of what The Lord is to me. So why? Why is the human go to for any competition nervousness? What makes the “scary” thing so scary in the first place? If I make it far enough, what do I have to be nervous about? I should be confident in Christ, shouldn’t I?

“If you have the talent, embrace it, be confident in it, and be bold.”

It sounds easy, so easy that it is dumb to even think about. Yet no matter how much time I spend in prayer asking the Lord to keep my heart beat at a normal pace just so that I can get through this one event, my heart refuses to listen to Him. Apparently the race that my heart is running is too monumental to lose, therefore, it races on.

But this race would not be happening without the One who created the track… and because of this, I want to make Jesus my heartbeat, not nervousness.

Something that I have learned is that Jesus is standing next to me even when I am unaware of the presence that He blesses me with at every moment. Jesus is. And in knowing that Jesus is, nervousness, fear, anxiety, and unreasonable expectation cannot be. Because Jesus is, the fear of failure is not. Because Jesus is, the heartbeat of nervousness cannot be. And once something is, it always is, unless the Lord tells it otherwise. Jesus simply being makes me want to change my nervousness to nervousless. Plus, the last time I checked, nothing on this Earth can tell Jesus that He is not, because He always was, He always is, and He always will be.

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